Who Do You Think You Are?

Lately, I have been wanting to write and just living in my thoughts. Lots of conversations with God and myself. Asking myself who I really want to be and figuring out what the desires of my heart are. It’s been interesting and frustrating. Sometime I feel like I have a blindfold on and I’m feeling around a room trying to find the light. Then the Lord so gently tells me to take my blindfold off and the light was on the entire time. Funny how we can walk around trapped and the Lord is just trying to get us to see that he has opened the jail door.

A recent revelation the Lord gave me was actually about relationships and marriage. As a single woman doing her thing I don’t just wait around for a man. I’m doing my own thing and following God’s call on my life. I pray and hope for a husband but I trust God will allow him to see me & find me at the right time. Anyways I was praying for my husband and marriage and the Lord just spoke, “Are you using your singleness to practice and prepare for the type of wife you want to be?”

Ummmm how do I do that Lord??? Well I started thinking about how I want to respond when my husband and I argue. How I respond to difficult times. How I respond when I get pissed off or disappointed. How I want to honor him. How I want to sharpen him as he sharpens me. How to encourage. How to see the good. How to be intentional.

I was reading in Genesis 3 right after Adam and Eve ate the fruit and God found them hiding. MOMENTS after they sinned God made clothes for them to wear. (Genesis 3:21). This may not seem significant but this hit me and my friend Annie (who I was reading this with ) right in the face. God didn’t excuse the sin BUT he served them even after their failure. He showed them grace and love by making them clothes.

I can tell you right now I have definitely not responded to being hurt, angry, disappointed etc by serving someone….. wheeeew the Lord ever so lovingly gripped my heart with that. He so clearly said to me that if I want to be a wife who is patient, kind, loving, selfless, not quick to anger, protects, trusts, perseveres, then I can practice that now in my relationships.

So often we can wait to figure it all out until we are married BUT I believe that singleness is the BEST season to practice the type of wife/husband you want to be. For example, my mom really pissed me off the other night (love you mom. I know it was a stressful day) the Lord told me to clean and organize her room for her. I straight up told him no. Then he just reminded me that I had a choice. A: Be angry and resentful or B: Show the love & grace of God and lovingly serve her. Expecting nothing in return. Nothing to gain. Just serving a need.

This moment was a game changer for me! It opened my eyes to my own selfishness and self-righteousness. I was humbled immediately. Jesus laid down his life for us even though we were the ones who nailed him to the cross. I want to be the first to forgive. The first to serve. The first to love. I don’t want to live my life giving and then expecting. I want to give freely.

I’m thankful for God’s loving kindness and grace. I’m not perfect. I mess up. I make wrong choices. BUT He always meets me there and is working on my heart with me.