Burden:
“something that is carried 2: something oppressive or worrisome.”
I hate this word. There are many many things I have overcome but this word still lingers. It’ll come creeping in at the most random of times and cause discord in my mind.
If there is one thing I hate being to people it is a burden. And I feel this way with almost everyone. Someone can do nothing to make me think that and yet I’ll have a thought of “oh I’m bothering them.” WHY? I have thought about this over and over.
As a young girl, I was bullied by other girls and this one boy. The pain of rejection and of them telling me “you’re not pretty enough to play with us” is something that stuck with me for a long time. I have dealt with a lot of struggles that stemmed out of that but this one thing still remains. Viewing myself as the issue and as inferior to others.
I assume people don’t like me because that’s how I learned to protect myself. If I assume they don’t like me, then they can’t hurt me. How sad to live with thinking no one genuinely likes you…. I want to live my life with a confidence that I am fearfully & wonderfully made. I’m working on it 🙂
So if you here me say “sorry to bother you” or “I don’t mean to bother you” or constantly apologizing for my presence just know I’m having a battle in my mind. It is no one’s responsibility but my own to reassure myself of God’s truth in those moments. I wasn’t aware of how often I say these things until I asked my mom “Why do I feel like I am a burden to everyone and that no one actually wants to be my friend?” Those feelings and questions are lies from the pit of hell. I refuse to give them anymore territory in my mind.
If you struggle with feeling this way, then I hear you. Be encouraged that you aren’t alone. You are fearfully & wonderfully made. God enjoys you. God wants you. You are dearly loved and accepted. Don’t let insecurity and doubt win! Fight for the battle of your mind!