Why I Am Enough

I am enough.

I am worthy of love.

I am a creator of infinite outcomes.

I am a daughter of The King.

I have struggled my entire life with feeling like I was worthy. Worthy of love and forgiveness. Worthy of God’s grace.  I have tried to put my worth in my body, grades, how many boys give me attention, the number of friends I have, the number on the scale…. All of those things failed me. I didn’t feel any better when I acquired one of those things. I was searching for something to fill my desire to be made whole. My desire to be loved. My desire to feel wanted by someone.

I found the only thing that can fill that hole. My beautiful family can’t fill it. My GPA can’t fill it. My wonderful friends can’t fill it. The only thing that can fill it is JESUS. He created me. He sustains me. He loves me and desires me. He wants me. He makes me whole. He is the one I turn to when I feel ugly and worthless and He tells me that I am a princess of the most High King. He whispers sweet truths into my ears. He tells me that he created me in his image and that He didn’t mess up. He tells me that I am worthy. He tells me that I am a life changer for Him. He tells me that I was created with a purpose. He tells me how much He loves me.

I am made whole by his everlasting love. I am so blessed to be loved by a Father who gave his life for me. He is enough for me. If I never meet the man of my dreams, then I will not fear because I do not need a man to complete me. If I never travel the world, then I will not be bitter because when I get to heaven I will see beauty so amazing that my eyes won’t believe it.

Jesus is enough for me. I am worthy because He created me.

My Struggle with Being Vulnerable

I am going to be real with you all…. I HATE being vulnerable. I don’t like to show my feelings. I don’t like to let people see me as “weak”. I try to come across as a strong, I don’t need your help, person. This type of act has been destructive for me. I can keep up this facade for only so long, then I crack under my own pressure of keeping everything together.

What I have learned about myself is that vulnerability is something I cannot avoid. I need to fully embrace it in order to become the best person I can be. This doesn’t mean that it is easy for me to open up. I have talked in many counselling sessions about the “I’m fine. I’m good. I’m okay” face that I out on around people. It isn’t a mask of being two faced but a mask of my own insecurities that I don’t want to expose. God has created me in his image and this means that there are no mess ups. My size doesn’t define me. My mess ups don’t define me. My mental illness doesn’t define me. God created me, which means I am enough.

Brene Brown is this wonderful woman who has changed my view on vulnerability. She says, “Vulnerability is our most accurate measurement of courage” To be able to show your hearts to others despite the risk of getting hurt is courageous.

I am going to end this post with some quotes by her and an incredible ted talk link that she did.

“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.”

“You are imperfect, you are wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.”

“Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It’s about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen.”

“To love someone fiercely, to believe in something with your whole heart, to celebrate a fleeting moment in time, to fully engage in a life that doesn’t come with guarantees – these are risks that involve vulnerability and often pain. But, I’m learning that recognizing and leaning into the discomfort of vulnerability teaches us how to live with joy, gratitude and grace.”