Lost & Found

This week is National Suicide Prevention Week.

The two words that have described me this week so far are:

humbled & heartbroken.

I took pictures in a high school that had flyers all over the school about suicide prevention week. On certain days they were encouraged to say something nice to someone they don’t know. On another day everyone was supposed to wear yellow to bring awareness.

Now it is amazing that a school is actually paying attention to the rising rates of youth suicides and to try to bring awareness.

BUT I am sad that it even has to come to that. That suicide is so prevalent that if we are honest the conversation needs to be much longer than a week….

This week so far I have read, listened and watch stories of people trapped in darkness.

I have wept. I have cried out to God over these people. Pleading for mercy on their behalf because I know the feeling.

The feeling that you’re sinking slowly into utter darkness. You want to scream but you feel if you do then you’ll drown.

The desperateness to feel something besides pain. The emptiness that feels as vast as the sea. The tears stream but honestly I don’t even know that they have fallen.

I want someone to see me but I’m too lost in the darkness. No one wants to look for me in the dark and how can I blame them. If I’m scared of the dark imagine trying to save someone surrounded by it.

I had an idea about a year ago to try to capture my depression and suicidal thoughts in a picture. I called my friend Erin who is an incredible photographer and these pictures are what we came up with.

I am immensely proud of these photos. They portray exactly how I felt.

I am Proud to say that I once FELT that way. I have survived two suicide attempts thank you Jesus.

I lived. I am living. I am growing. I am free.

Freedom is possible. I am living proof that you can overcome it.

I lived.

Now I am in school getting a degree in Crisis Counseling. I want to help those who are still struggling.

I hear you.

I see you.

I love you.

Please stay.

Joy is possible again. It may take some time and you’ll have to work for it but it will come back.

Please give yourself the chance to be able to laugh until you cry again. To watch your favorite Christmas movies with your family. To watch the sunrise and set. To be able to help someone else who is hurting because you understand what that is like. To be the loving kindness that someone has never experienced.

Stay. Life is waiting. It is a devastatingly beautiful thing. I believe in you. Stay.

Suicide Hotline: ‭1 (800) 273-8255‬

Please reach out to someone if you’re struggling!