The Fight

My name is Annabelle and I struggle with depression, anxiety, and dermatillomania (skin picking disorder). Everyday is a constant fight with the dark. Everyday is a constant fight with not reopening sores that scar and bleed. Everyday I have to cling to the love of God to save me.

My name is Annabelle and no one would ever guess I struggle with these things. When I am out in public I am smiling and laughing. I’m loud and opinionated. I am seemingly happy. The only people who see the truth are the ones closest to me. The only people who see behind the mask are the ones who have saved me from the edge of destruction.

Society assumes that because I am smiling and posting funny videos on Facebook that my life is great. Wow look she moved to Florida on her own.She must be having the time of her life. Little do people know I am calling my mom hysterical and depressed because I haven’t made any friends. With God’s grace and strength, I force myself to leave the house and try new things. I force myself to go eat alone. I don’t want to be another statistic.

My pride has always gotten in the way of asking those around me for help. I would turn to my parents but I would always wear my mask around my closest friends. “Everything is going great!” I’d tell them. Little did they know I was in my bed crying when I would send the text. My pride has kept me from making my deepest relationships real and honest.

I have never told a single soul about my dermatillomania. It is a disorder where a person cannot control the picking of their skin. People who have it pick for a multitude of reasons. I started doing it in elementary school. I remember kids asking me what was wrong with my arms and legs because they had sores all over them. My parents have tried everything to help me. I have seen many psychiatrists. I have been on plenty of medications for it. I have worn gloves. I have worn long sleeve shirts. I have seen counselors. Nothing has helped me so far. It is an extremely painful disorder. I rip my skin open time after time until it scars. I bleed constantly because there aren’t many moments that I am not ripping my skin open.

I am confessing all of this not for a cry for attention but for a cry for prayer. My anxiety, depression, and dermatillomania have gotten worse. I am having panic attacks constantly and my depression is consuming me. My parents have rallied around me to support me and pray for me. God spoke to me and told me to swallow my pride and ask for help. Ask for prayer. Ask for my closest friends to pray for me.

I long for the day when I am a peace. I long for the day that I feel joy from the moment I wake up till I go to sleep. I long for the day when the Lord sets me free from my anxiety.

The Father has me in his hands and hears my cries for help. I believe one day that I will be healed. As for now, I ask that you rally in prayer for me.

I love you all and thank you for your support!

~Annabelle

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15 thoughts on “The Fight

  1. I Love you AB. I’m praying for you and claiming healing from your sufferings. Lord Jesus, I come to you on AB behalf. Lord, I pray that AB will feel relief and peace from her daily struggles. Lord Jesus, may you fill her with the knowledge that she is loved. That she is beautifully and wonderfully made. Lord, I pray for her peace, for her contentment in this life, that she will feel you intensely when moments get hard, that she will lean in to you closer to you as she rises each morning knowing that you use all things for your good, believing that you have good plans for you and that your.plan includes using our struggles to glorify your kingdom. Lord Jesus, may she hear you whisper in the sunrise or the rain that she is loved , that she is beautiful, that she is amazing and incredible. That her sufferings are not a doom, but a glorious opportunity to lean closer into you. May she be reminded in the gentle breezes or the storms that you understand, that you feel her pain and that she is not alone. Thank you Jesus for AB, for the passions and love for life you pour into her… Use her Lord in mighty ways, give her strength and endurance for this journey you have laid before her. In Jesus mighty name, Amen

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  2. You are wise my dear friend to call in the troops and walk through your days knowing you are loved and prayed over. May the peace of God which transcend all understanding guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus. Love…..

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  3. Remember God has a plan, these temporary dark days are only to appreciate the upcoming sunny ones. You are not alone, God is with you.

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  4. I pray for God to surround you with his arms of love…that you would FEEL them. That he would give you grace and strength to walk forward everyday. That he would lead you to the help/support you need and that your request for help/prayers would be answered in a mighty way. That you would KNOW how much you are loved, by him and by us. 🙂 That you would have the hope that comes from believing that God is always at work. That you would KNOW that you are beautiful and the apple of God’s eye. You are worthy of his love. You are secure. You will never be left or forsaken. I pray that Gd would give you his wisdom, his supernatural power to overcome. Amen.

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  5. Annabelle, you are a beautiful person who has given so much to our family. You have made a friend in me and I am so happy to know that you know the Lord in a personal way. Through the years I have found Him to be my faithful friend and to give me strength when I needed it most. He has changed my life and can change yours as well, if you give Him your full trust. I will keep you in my prayers. But most of all I want you to know that you make a difference in the people’s lives you touch. Keep doing what you are doing…..you are on the right path.

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    1. Thank you so much! It was wonderful to get to know your family and especially your mom. I got to spend so much time reading the Word with her. To be surrounded by her faith was an amazing experience for me.

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  6. Annabelle, I had no idea of your struggles. Know that I am praying for you. Know that I care and here for you. I want to help you! Call me when you can. Love and Hugs!

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  7. Annabelle,
    I’ve never met you but I feel your pain through your words and I just wanted to respond. I knew your Dad in high school and can see how loving he is with you. You are blessed to have such supportive parents. My daughter has been fighting depression, anxiety and stress for years. I just wanted to tell you that one avenue that is extremely helpful, if you haven’t seriously looked at it, is the nutritional and endocrine system. My daughters problems started from her endocrine system even though we didn’t realize it. With years of guidance from her psychiatrist, endocrinologist and a nutritionist we have finally found a balance. It takes a lot of work but it has made a tremendous difference in her life. I just wanted you to know that your bravery struck me. I am so proud of you and I will pray that you will make sure that you continue the fight and find a successful solution. I help my daughter everyday and I want you to realize that there is hope and Many other young girls have the same issues as you. Bless you and keep fighting!!!! Tell your daddy Sherri said she is available to talk. Parents need support too💟

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  8. Annabelle, you don’t know me, but I’ve been a friend of your parents since before you were born. I want you to know you have just taken the biggest step, seeking help. God’s Word says to humble yourself and he will lift you up. I understand not wanting to share your weaknesses, but I learned when I humbled myself and shared that my friends loved me despite my weaknesses and appreciated me being real. I’m not going to pretend I understand the issue you are dealing with, but I myself had a health issue that God used for his glory. I used to have epilepsy, and many people wanted to see healing in me and I had people tell me I was lacking faith or that I had sin in my life therefore I was not healed. The truth is is that God used my epilepsy to draw me to him. When I was 29 God gave me a word that He would heal me, but that healing didn’t come until I was 38 years old. I’m saying all of this to encourage you to press in to God, these hardest times are when He reveals Himself to us. Write down how you feel about yourself and then take scripture and see what it says to counteract the lies you are believing. Read Psalm 139, you probably know these verses or know of them, but let me encourage you to focus on the fact that you were created in God’s image, that God has a purpose for your life and the enemy wants to stop you. Seek God first, meditate on who you are, get help and know that there are so many people who know you, love you and want to support you and that you are going to come through this victoriously.

    I’m excited for you and believe that after sharing you are going to experience support like never before and the encouragement to press on. Remember, God’s grace is sufficient every day.

    God bless you, even when you don’t sense it, proclaim the victory that comes only through Christ and you will see it take place.

    Karen (Brinkman) Silva

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