He Doesn’t Deserve My Grace but I Don’t Deserve God’s

There is a person in my life who has caused me pain. I thought he loved and cared for me but his actions proved different. For years I put up with his verbal and emotional abuse until I told my parents. I told them about the years of horrible treatment and they were shocked. They had no clue. The moment it was no longer a secret my heart started to hate him.

I hated him for years. I prayed for him to die and for harm to come his way. I refused to see him and hated the sound of his voice. I was putting myself in a jail cell filled with hatred. I would purposefully ignore God’s voice when it came to him. I wanted to dig the deepest hole possible and put all my hurt in there ,thinking that it would magically go away.

After years of counseling, talking through all the pain, and lots of crying. I fell to my knees before God and asked him to help me forgive him. I knew I could never do it on my own. I sobbed asking God to help heal my heart and to take this anger away. God moved in a big way after that moment. He forced me to confront the man that I had hated so much. It wasn’t easy. It was and is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. The man who had caused me so much pain didn’t deserve my grace and mercy. He didn’t deserve my forgiveness.

He doesn’t deserve my forgiveness but I don’t deserve God’s forgiveness. I sin everyday and God sent his Son to die for me so that I could be forgiven. Who am I to not forgive someone when God forgave me?  I’m not saying that forgiving an enemy is easy because it isn’t. I still struggle at times with anger towards him but the Lord speaks to my heart in those moments and reminds me of His grace.

I am free. Free from anger. Free from resentment. Free from hate. I am now able to love the unlovable. I am able to feel compassion and empathy for a person whose addiction has destroyed his relationships. I am able to feel sorrow for a soul that is never content. It was by the grace of God that I am in the place where I am now. I could never have forgiven him without God’s help.

I am no better than any other sinner. I will never deserve God’s grace but He gives it to me anyways. That is true Love!

Hebrews 12:15 See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled

1 Peter 5:10 And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.

Acts 20:32 And now I commend you to God and to the word of his grace, which is able to build you up and to give you the inheritance among all those who are sanctified.

  • If you are in an abusive relationship of any kind, then please seek help! God does not want you to suffer. He wants you in a healthy God filled relationship.

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